I plan to have one night with a friend... Ends up turning into a whole fucking weekend, I end up going back on my words on everything, I drink, I take Cocaine, I cheat.
This is just not me... The worst part is that I'm more scared about him finding out than feeling guilty about anything.
And I value more of the opinion my friend now has of me, she's disappointed maybe disgusted with me and all I can think about her is how angry I am that she cannot stop being so fucking serious about life and commitment and all fucking sorts.
Like yes... Cheating is bad, drugs are bad, being a joke of a person is terrible, but I can deal with it, why can't she, I would never damn one of my friends into the fear of them telling their other half, ITS NONE OF MY BUSINESS SO IT ISN'T HERS.
She's only friends with him because I left college and they both had each other instead of having me...
UGH THIS IS SUCH A FUCKING MESS AND I FEEL SO FUCKING EMPTY.
But the worse part is, all I can think about is how gutted I am, I'm not pregnant and how much I miss Jay :/
MY HEAD IS FUCKED!
